


Happy

by merelypassingtime



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25680256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merelypassingtime/pseuds/merelypassingtime
Summary: In which Tony learns the perils of giving Clint unclear directions and Bucky reveals a secret.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 16
Kudos: 77





	Happy

“What the hell are these?” Tony demanded.

Clint shrugged. “You ordered me to get food, so I did.”

“Yeah, but I assumed you’d get pizza like always.”

“See that’s your mistake there: assuming. Gotta switch things up sometimes.”

Rhodey, who was pinching the bridge of his nose, sighed. “So, instead you brought us Happy Meals?”

“Are you saying you aren’t happy to see them?” Clint asked, trying to sound hurt. “‘Cause if you're not, then the name is false advertising and I’m the real victim here. Will you sue them for me Tony?”

“No,” Tony said. “I only let people I like have access to my pool of lawyers.”

“You don’t like me?! Even when I went out of my way to get a meal that not only promises happiness but also comes with a free toy? I even made sure to ask for a mix of ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ toys because gender is a social construct created to further the fascist capitalist agenda.”

“God,” Steve groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t really say that to the cashier.”

“Hell yeah, I did! They agreed with me too and threw in a free small fry.”

Steve shook his head. “You are a walking PR nightmare.”

“Maybe you should think about that next time you make me your errand boy. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Clint grabbed the single brown paper bag as well as one of the mass of smaller, brightly colored bags and two bottles of chocolate milk. Walking over to where Bucky was leaning against a wall and watching with unholy amusement in his eyes, Clint handed him the bigger bag and said, “Here. Double quarter pounder, no pickles, no mustard, and a large fry plus a bonus small fry.”

“Why does he get a real meal?” Tony whined.

“Because Bucky is a gentleman and a scholar who respects me and my many contributions to the team.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you two just fuck already and put the rest of us out of our misery?”

A loaded silence fell as heads throughout the room turned towards Tony, shocked he’d finally said what they’d all been privately thinking and publicly betting on for weeks. 

It was Bucky who broke it. He blinked a few times, then laughed. “Who says we haven’t fucked?”

Clint, also laughing, said, “Man, look at their faces! They really didn’t know.”

“But-” Steve started, then didn’t seem to know how to finish the sentence.

Bucky shook his head, then turned back to Clint. With a little bow, he offered him his arm. “Come on, doll. I know a place we can eat in peace, and maybe fuck some more.”

“Awesome. Lead the way, handsome,” Clint replied, linking his arm with Bucky’s.

The two sauntered out of the room.

It was a testament to how hungry the others were that they let them go with only a few half-hearted catcalls before turning to the pile of Happy Meals, bickering over who got which toy.


End file.
